I'm...spinning around...

 "Vertigo, noun, a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height, or caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the vestibular nerve; giddiness"

What this should read, is "The overwhelming feeling of impending doom and being completely out of control of your mind and body physically and mentally whilst trying to not throw up"

Anyone who has ever experienced vertigo will know this feeling oh too well. A simple task such as rolling over in bed, standing up from the sofa, or even bending down to pick up a pen at work becomes a chore, and one you have to complete very carefully on a bad day. 

The anxiety and sheer panic that joins the party is breathtaking, this is the part that no one tells you about, hence this blog! Your heart races, you feel nauseous, your trying to stop your world swaying while telling yourself to "calm down" while you try to figure out which way is up! This will obviously differ with each type and cause of vertigo but inner ear problems or deafness mean that these are harder to avoid and therefore harder to get rid of. You can kiss goodbye to roller coasters, 3D movies, extreme sports and most public transport. I appreciate everyone's experience is different but I can only comment on my own. 

Of course with time, this all becomes a little easier to manage, my advice would be to know your triggers and avoid at all costs. Again, I can't speak for everyone but mine include getting up in the morning (no I am not 90 years old despite what my 10 minute "get out of bed routine" looks like!), rolling over in bed, watching anything with any fast movement and the big one, lifts. But hey, at least my step count is up! To put this in to perspective, a recent lift ride of just 3 floors on holiday this year set me back a whole day of feeling 'bleugh', kind of the only word that makes sense for this icky feeling. Typically this can last a few seconds, or an hour or two but sometimes this is an all day event and won't ease until you sleep and "start afresh".

A recent visit to my doctor taught me that giving up caffeine could help. After the initial outrage, I tried it, it turns out he was right. It is also advised to avoid aged cheeses, processes meats, alcohol and chocolate (yeah right!). Meditation can help, as well as sleeping on 2 pillows and stress should be avoided at all costs as not all vertigo attacks happen from a physical movement..not always possible in life I know. 

My best advice is to take time for you, stop if you need to stop (I should listen to myself!), get enough sleep and relax. Remember you are not alone, 15% of the population suffer with this regularly in the UK alone and that number is ever growing.

So when your world feels blurry, take step back, reset, and give yourself a pat on the pack for getting through a hard day.

Prioritise you!

Deaf or not, this is something that we all need to do from time to time: self care, positive thoughts and a bit of "me" time is always a good idea. 

This post was inspired by a lovely lady who reached out to me for some advice earlier this week. Someone who, like me, is back at work full time in a very busy, loud office and felt overwhelmed by the noise after working from home for the past 15 months. I'm no expert, but I can relate to the deafening (excuse the pun!) volume that is an office full of 12+ colleagues as well as passers by, daily visitors and a very busy phone. She asked me to write down what I had said as it may help someone else, so I thought why not.

Think of your brain as a compass, it hears a noise, figures out which ear is nearest, and processes this accordingly. With only one working ear this can't happen. Any normal hearing person will hear a noise on the left and turn that way, in my case (and many others too) this is where you'll find me spinning around in a circle trying to figure out "who said that!" Think about that for a minute.. imagine not having a clue where a noise is coming from, whether it's your phone ringing or a colleagues, or if the person on your "bad side" has been speaking to you for ages and you haven't heard a single word! Your brain is a filter, focusing on the conversation you are having at that very moment and distracting you from all of the other background noise. This can't happen for a half deaf person, leaving your brain confused and left focusing on the nearest sounds: the wind through a window, a conversation on the next table or someone quietly humming. Single sided deafness has been proven to cause fatigue, brain fog, and lowers a persons ability to multi task. Next time you see me napping at my desk you'll know why!

It's not something that I ever thought I could manage, but here we are, nearly 6 years in and managing just fine. It took me a very long time to accept that some days are easy, some are extremely hard, and others are just plain annoying (and sometimes quite funny!). You come to realise that you can no longer have someone speak to you from outside of the room, or call your mobile phone when you have lost it as you've got no chance of ever finding it! But that's ok. Don't beat yourself up for not hearing someone or having to ask twice what someones name is. There is nothing to apologise for or be embarrassed about. Being deaf is part of you. It's who you are. Believe me, you are a stronger person for it. 

Rome wasn't built in a day.

And breathe..

Positive quotes, negative news, positive friends, negative thoughts, all equal a very real and uncertain world. 

While life is still happening (to some degree), and the danger still rife, I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of what another (relatively new and uninvestigated) virus could do to me and my good ear. After a viral infection attacked my hearing organ on my left side you never look at things the same. What if this virus does the same thing? What if it's happening right now and I don't know about it? What if people keep saying this isn't possible when it is? So many questions and so few answers. Am I being paranoid...probably yes, but I know for a fact that it's crossed the minds of many others in a similar situation. 

I saw a quote today which inspired me to take a step back, it made me think and evaluate day to day, some may say mundane tasks, which usually bring little joy. When did the small things become the big things? When did I start to look forward to going food shopping on a Saturday night and changing into yet another pair of new pajamas on a "work from home" day? When did I stop watching the news and look forward to more Netflix instead? Make the most of the small things happening now, anything at all that makes you smile and/or relax is worth doing. Check in with a friend, read a book, reach out if need be but stay positive always. This right here is the key, and made me think about the positives in my day.

For anyone who has any level of deafness, whether it be 1 ear or 2, will know the daily struggles of working in an office environment, only to be made harder by masks and screens (see previous blog post!). However, the office at the moment is a deaf persons dream, and although I miss my colleagues terribly, for this I am grateful. No one dropping in unannounced, no excess noise from conversations, kitchen, or deliveries, no one talking over each other to be heard, no street or printer noise or slamming of doors, just peaceful, quiet, work time, oh and a busy phone... but at least I can hear it ring! 

Working from home allows us to be comfortable in our own environment, don't pretend that you haven't worked in your dressing gown all day at least once and dunked one too many biscuits in your tea! If this makes you happy, do it. Have the glass of wine or the extra scoop of ice cream, stay in bed until 08:59am if you need to, there is no shame in doing what we need to do to stay positive and help each other through this.

Stay safe, stay home, and stay strong.

Just smile and hope for the best!

Who ever would have thought a year ago, that we would be in the middle of a global pandemic, ongoing lockdowns, disgusting smelling hand gel, and a very different kind of "normal". A normal where its weird to be too close to a stranger, where we now queue for everyday shops, and the dreaded face mask is a must. 

Its been a while but after reading various posts on social media as well as across the news, I thought why not share my opinion and give a big high five...oh wait...I mean, elbow pump to all the people who are out there suffering and facing this every day challenge of not being able to hear a damn thing!

There are around 12 million people in the UK with recorded hearing loss and a whopping new 9000 new cases per year of single sided deafness (SSD), all ages, various reasons, and affecting everyone very differently. As you know from my previous blog posts, hearing aids are not for me (check out https://www.blogger.com/u/2/blog/post/edit/7480189500862428721/8366407351423645529) but a lot of people use them and they are the saving grace for so many. For the sake of research alone, I wore mine tonight for the first time in a while with my mask. I was off to a flying start until I had to tilt my head before bending down to pick something up, one ended up in the kitchen sink and the other under the fridge! For tips and tricks on how to make this easier please see video below shared by Starkey.co.uk earlier in June this year.

https://www.starkey.co.uk/blog/articles/2020/06/hearing-aids-and-face-masks

Now, on to face masks. Firstly I want to start by saying that I understand the importance of them for mine and everyone else's safety around me, and that I am more than happy to comply fully with current government guidelines, but please be mindful of anyone that is hard of hearing that you may come in to contact with. Whatever level of deafness a person may be struggling with, I think its safe to say that face coverings are making this even more difficult. On a serious note, those of us who are deaf or hard of hearing may already feel isolated in a world that is very loud, and often hard to understand at the best of times, let alone with not being able to see peoples facial expressions and having any chance at lip reading taken away.  Please be mindful when talking to a friend, family member or even a complete stranger that may have hearing problems, as society is not always kind. 

Im sure I am not just speaking for myself when I say that its not always easy, and I especially am guilty on a daily basis of saying "what" a thousand times as well as mis hearing colleagues and friends. Even my phone auto corrects the word "deaf" to "dead" making for some interesting text messages and Facebook posts! All joking aside, I would highly recommend the app "Live transcript" for anyone who needs to have a conversation with someone wearing a mask.

My advice? If in doubt, just smile and hope for the best!

 

How loud?!

I'm sure I can speak for a lot of you when I say that we take our hearing for granted. It is thought that anything above 85 decibels can be damaging and could cause permanent damage. To be honest this is something that never crossed my mind until I only had 1 working ear available. Crazy things then start running through your head...what if this one stops working too? What if the hearing in this ear will eventually be "used up" leaving me with nothing...or what if I get another unlucky ear infection?

I was so conscious of it being damaged that everyday things that I have done for years started to change, I gave up my job as a dance teacher due to excessive noise in the studio, stopped going to the cinema, stopped going under water, turned the radio down in the car and even started reading more to reduce the effects of constant "life noise" (If you've read my other blogs you will also see how reducing these things helped my everyday fatigue)

After a little bit of research I was truly amazed at how loud these everyday noises were:

• Taking a shower, traffic noise, flushing the loo and vacuuming = 70 decibels
• Food processor, hairdryer, or a passing truck = 80 decibels
• Lawn mower, power drill, loud office environment/phone = 90 decibels
• Nightclub, ambulance siren, live band and driving with the window down = 100 decibels
• Large thunder clap, popping a balloon, and fireworks = 120+ decibels 

To put this in to perspective, many of the mobile devices that children use nowadays are 105 decibels on the highest volume, that is 100 times more intense than 85 decibels! The impact of noise can build up over your lifetime, if you are exposed to loud noises on a regular everyday basis, your risk of hearing damage/loss increases over time. The World health organisation recommends no exposure above 120 decibels for children.

If only 1 person turns down the TV, stands back from the speaker in the nightclub, or mutes the iPhone app then iv helped!

Your hearing is precious.

Think before you repeat...

After nearly 2 years being half deaf you would think that I'd have learnt all there is to know....you'd  be wrong! Very rarely does a day go by where I don't hear a new sound, new tinnitus, crackling, popping, the odd bang here and there as well as daily noise, the odd dizzy spell and an occasional ear ache. That's all normal to me now and I've grown used to it over the last year and 11 months (who's counting?!)

But what never ceases to amaze me are peoples attitudes. Don't get me wrong I've been incredibly lucky, supportive friends, co workers, family and a boyfriend who is great, but some people aren't so privileged. After writing a post on a single sided deafness support page on Facebook (a great place to have a rant and a moan with people who totally "get it") it became apparent that SSD sufferers face situations daily, of people who don't believe their situation. Don't get me wrong I've had my fair share of "Oh you really are deaf in that ear?", "maybe if I shout?" as well as the old favorite "when will it come back?"
To read that bosses are saying things such as "just turn up your hearing aid" and in some cases not even believing that a person was deaf, insinuating that they were making the whole thing up to make better use of "selective hearing". (yes we've all heard that one! *eye roll*)

It's hard to believe that in a world so fast paced in so many ways, a simple conversation between 2 people can leave one person feeling hurt, left out, and exhausted just trying to explain a simple diagnosis. When did people become so dismissive? As I said before, I've been incredibly lucky and, although its been a steep learning curve, I've come out the other side stronger and prepared for those type of questions and comments.

This blog has been mainly about awareness as well as helping friends and family understand what/how I hear. Be mindful... next time someone tells you they didn't hear you, don't roll your eyes or say "oh it doesn't matter".
I think I can speak for all when I say, It matters to us!
If I was half blind  and asked you to wear an eye patch, you'd see what I see. With hearing loss that's not possible. An ear plug only cancels out 60% of sound.

The problem is not that the deaf do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen....

Say what?!

As I'm sat where with Paul watching the F1 it suddenly dawned on me how little (pretty much none!) of the commentary I can actually hear. It got me thinking that the Grand Prix is a really good metaphor of the life of someone who is hard of hearing. The cars being the background noise and the commentary the everyday conversation. Iv been watching for about 15 minutes and can honestly say that I haven't heard a full sentence clearly so far! As anyone who is hard of hearing or suffers with single sided deafness will know, we cant differentiate between what is supposed to be background noise and the sound of someone who could be talking right at you!

Im also aware that my brain likes to fill in the blanks and create sentences for me without me even knowing it. This is true of so many peoples day to day lives, at work, home, gym, social lives, the list is endless. I cant even count the amount of times in an average week that I don't hear the end of someones sentence because they walk in to another room while talking, lower their voice or turn their head away while talking to me. It makes for some really odd (and also funny!) sentences where I have a little chuckle to myself and carry on with the task in hand.

Turns out that "filling in the blanks" is an actual thing.....its called oronyms, which are sequences of words and sounds that sound similar to each other. There is a region of our brains called the angular gyrus that cleverly uses all of a persons previous life knowledge to fill in gaps where necessary with predictable replacements. Some days I feel like I'm in a real life game of hangman trying to fill in the gaps and blanks to make someones sentence make sense!

Until next time...